Hi. This is going to be one of those rambling posts and there’s no food to be found this time. I logged in to write a post about cake today, but I ended up speaking from the heart and, shockingly, my heart just wasn’t set on cake at the moment. I promise there will be cake soon. I found a recipe on The Kitchn for a cake with pudding on the bottom and I was all like yes, please! But that’s for another day. Today I just want to be vulnerable for a second.
For the most part, I’m a pretty happy person. I dance out my sour feelings (literally, most of the time to really dumb music) and I shake things off quickly. I have become pretty good at saying what is bothering me and then, because odds are it’s totally beyond my control, letting it go.
One time someone wrote to me through this blog and told me that they wished I were dead because I am vegan.
It’s okay. Don’t freak out.
They then told me that they wished they could murder me and all other vegans.
I laughed it off and deleted the comment. I knew that they were probably just a troll. Even if they truly meant it, well, all the better reason to delete them forever because I don’t have room in my life for hate. It’s not welcome here. But that particular message sticks with me, though probably not for the reason you’re thinking.
I often wonder about that person and I wish that I could snap my fingers and remove that hate from their bellies. Life would be so much easier for them without the burden of carrying all that anger around. Even if they really were a troll and didn’t truly mean it, they must have been dealing with something crappy enough to make them think that trolling blogs and sending out hurtful messages would somehow make them feel better. I feel sorry for that person. I hope that I never, ever find myself walking around with that kind of black cloud hanging over me.
I feel like I’ve been carrying around a lot of negativity these past few days. Nothing anywhere near what this person is feeling. I’m talking about silly, petty things. Things that aren’t even worth mentioning. But even though they’re not worth mentioning, they’re still there. I sometimes find myself in a spiral that’s difficult to break. I think a negative thought and then I immediately get mad at myself for being negative. So there I am, aiming negativity at myself for emitting negativity in the first place, and it circles around again and again and again. Every single one of my negative thoughts have been regarding situations beyond my control. Silly, little things that mean absolutely nothing and that I won’t even remember a couple months from now. One or two have been aimed at individuals, and those are the ones that I’m most ashamed of. I try very hard every single day to be kind to those around me. You never know what someone is dealing with at home, at work or in their hearts. You never know what burdens someone else is carrying around, and being rude or judgmental can only bring more harm.
The reason that I’m sending these words out here into internet land is because I bet there are things bothering you, too. Big or small, I bet you’re haunted by a negative thought or two. I hope that you aren’t, but we’re all human. Things seep into our minds and into our veins and the negativity, regardless of where it stems from or who it’s aimed at, it digs into us and it latches on.
I hope that you’ll join me right now by letting go of any negative thoughts you’ve had today. If you’re like me, you’ll also want to forgive yourself for being so negative in the first place. It happened. It’s over. And finally, say some things that you are thankful for. You don’t have to say them to me. Just say them in your mind, that’s good enough. It doesn’t have to be an exhaustive list, either. Just a few things that, in this very moment, you are thankful for. Let’s focus on the positive. Let’s celebrate Thanksgiving in August.
- I am thankful that I have a family who loves and supports me every single moment of my life. Not once have I ever had to question their love for me. If any of my younger cousins are reading this, I hope that they’ll take this message and some positivity into their hearts. I can’t wait to see them next month.
- I am thankful that I have, by marriage, adopted even more family members who bring me nothing but happiness and love.
- I am thankful that I have not just one, but a handful of dear friends that I cherish and trust with my entire being.
- I am thankful for everyone who drops by this blog to read about whatever things I happen to be covering in chocolate that day. I am thankful that I have tons and tons of heartfelt, positive messages to cancel out that one, hateful note.
- Last but certainly not least, I am thankful for all the luxuries and gifts that I take for granted every day, including my health, my little apartment, my access to clean water and all the food I could ever hope for, and my safety.
I feel so much better.
Who wants cake? There will be cake. I promise.